Hope everyone had a good christmas

Happy Holidays. Hope everyone has a great Christmas.

Christmas was a little different this year for me. I was unable to go home to LA to be with my family. It strange being in Haiti without my family and my family felt my absence as well. My brother, Harley and I make Christmas what it is.

I loved being with my boyfriend on Christmas. It was our first Christmas together, but it was not the same. I did not feel like it was really Christmas. Next year, I will go home and try to bring my boyfriend with me. 

I missed our Christmas Eve dinner, especially the delicious ham so Chris got a pig which was killed and we will be eating a lot of pig in different ways.

Our Christmas in LA are part of tradition. Every Christmas Eve, my brother gets his gifts, wraps them on Christmas morning. Christmas morning, I wake up and try to wake up everyone else up. Tell Harley to finish wrapping. This year, they were still sleeping at 9:30, which is not normal. We open the presents, eat left overs, nap, watch movies, eat, sleep, eat and sleep and take a Christmas hike.

I missed being with my family. Presents are nice, but to me being with my family is enough. At least, I will see my family in February for a few days which I am excited for.

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Christmas in Haiti

For the first time in a long time, I will not spending Christmas in LA with my family and strangely I am okay with him. Every year, I was always very traditional about Christmas and I had to be there. Harley did try to get me a ticket to come home, but I saw the prices and I told him to skip it and to get me a ticket for January. It turned out to be February as it was cheaper and I am okay with that.

I get to spend Christmas with Chris. I love being with him. He got to spend thanksgiving together and now, Christmas. This is my first real relationship, my first real adult relationship. We live together. When I am not at work, I am with him.

I am excited to be with him for Christmas. It will show how our future will be. I want this to be it. He is everything I have ever wanted in a guy.

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Crazy week

This has been a crazy week. On Monday, my father kicked me out! He came to my work to get my keys as he needed something from my closet and he couldn’t get it as I lock my room and my closet. He informed he that he was kicking me out and that I was not allowed to eat or drink at the hotel either. It was insane. His reason was that I was not working enough at the hotel… I teach from 7:30 until 3, I am a full time college student getting my second degree and I was working at the hotel, but after 6, I am tired and want to go home. And every time I tried to work, he was on the phone or with some girl… that is not working! So, I am kicked out. He doesn’t want me to work at the Hotel. It will be his fault when he have no relationship.

So, I moved in with my boyfriend which is fast. Very fast. We haven’t been together for even a month. It feels natural though, normal. I love it waking up to him every morning, him taking me to work, him picking me up, us having dinner every dinner and falling next to him. This is real. This is what a real adult relationship is like. It is what I have always wanted. I can feel that we are going to build our empire together.

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Thanksgiving

Living away from my family at times is hard, especially during the holidays. I am grateful that I still get to celebrate thanksgiving with good friends and good food. We do have a little community of American expats. So, I went to my friend Jaci’s house who I work with at the school. It was the people I work with at the school and Nadia’s and Jaci’s husband.

Thanksgiving is a holiday to remind people to be grateful. I try my best to be grateful every day, but there are times that I forget. This year has been a crazy exciting year.

I am grateful for:

  1. Graduating from La Sorbonne
  2. My God daughter Arya being born
  3. My best friend Michaela always being there for me
  4. Moving back to Haiti
  5. Working my first job as a teacher
  6. Meeting amazing people in Haiti and having a real community

 

 

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Age

When I was a kid, most of my friends wee younger than me. I felt more comfortable with younger people. My best friend, Michaela is 2 years younger than me, but she is very mature for her age.

When I moved to Haiti in June, somehow most of my friends were older than me, most of them are in their 30’s and somehow the guys I have started getting involved with are also in their 30’s. Not sure why, but I prefer it. They take me more seriously and they are more serious, they have their life together which is something I need. Even though they are serious, I have come to realize that no matter their age, guys don’t really change. They still are full of hormones and still ask, stupid questions.

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A letter to Bill

Dear Bill,

Today would have been your birthday. You would have been 79 years old. I miss you so much. I would do anything to have you here, or have one more day with you. I wish you could have seen me graduate high school, and college. I wish you could have seen me start my first teaching job. I wonder what you have thought about me being a teacher and not an actress. I know you would have been happy and proud of me as long as I was happy. You were always so amazing and kind. I miss your voice. I miss your advice. I wish I could talk to you about boys.

I hate that you are not here. You not being here still makes me cry. Every year, twice a year, on the anniversary of your death and on your birthday, it hits me like a ton of bricks and I can’t breath and all I want is to have you here and have you hold me. I loved our daily movie nights with dinner and ice cream at home. I loved living with you. I loved watching jeopardy and American idol with you. I loved reading you my scripts that I was writing at the time.  I loved having you as my best friend.

I wanted more time. I thought we had time. You died when I was 15 and now, I am 23 years old. They say the pain fades, no it doesn’t and I don’t think it ever will. You are missing so much of my life. You are going to miss being at my wedding when I get married to whoever, me having kids and me opening my own school. I hope you are proud of me.

I love you and I always will.

Thank you for influencing my life and changing it for the better.

I miss everything about you. The stories I wish I could tell you.

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Haiti is where I belong 

I went to NY for a few days to help my father and it was interesting to be back. It made me realize there is nothing left for me in the western world. I am unhappy being in a civilized civilization. I am happy in Haiti. When I was in NY, I could feel myself being moody and not wanting to get out of bed, but in Haiti I wake up early and I am happy to. Of course, sometimes I am exhausted and I think to myself I want sleep, but that is different from not wanting to get out of bed which is what my life was like in NY and France and California. I can’t do that again! I don’t want to be depressed and I was because of my situation. 

Haiti to me is like an antidepressant except it isn’t a drug. I am happy there and I really can’t see myself wanting to leave. I belong in Haiti. 

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