When is it time to let go and say goodbye?

Almost 7 months ago, I moved away and I said goodbye to the love of my life. Every day is a struggle not being with him, talking to him, kissing him, supporting him.

We were together for almost four year. We were going to get married, move in and raise a family together. Then, somehow living in Los Angeles did not seem enough for me. I had always dreamed of living abroad so I moved. In the beginning of the relationship, I told him I was going to travel the world and he said wherever I went, he would too. Somehow, he changed his mind but never told me until it was too late. When I told him, I was moving to Paris, it was something I wanted but I wanted him to tell me not to go or that he would come in a year or so. He didn’t. Instead, he distanced himself from me which, was making it more painful. 

I love living in Paris. Walking new streets. Eating the most amazing bread. Taking beautiful pictures of Paris. It is what I wished for, but every day, like clockwork I break down because I miss him and I still love him. My heart breaks because I am so longer with him. I can’t seem to let him go or move on. I am stuck and it is the worst thing possible. I don’t see myself with anyone else.

I don’t trust most people. I don’t trust most guys. I told him everything about me, my family and things even my family doesn’t know. We were there for each other through everything. When his mother started dating, it was heartbreaking for him. With all my problems with my family, he was there. I even lived with him and his family for two months. His family became my family. His mother would introduce me as her daughter in law.

I miss hugging me. Kissing him. Loving him. I hate sleeping alone. After 7 months, it should be easier but it isn’t. Most nights, I don’t sleep. I don’t take my sleeping medication so, I am up all the time. I think about him every day. There is not one day that I don’t long for him to be holding me. Our love was an intense magical one. He won’t talk to me because he says he needs to get over our breakup which, I understand and all I want is to be friends with him. I want to be able to tell him about my day, what I have been up to, but he won’t respond to me.

It’s time for me to let go of him and stand strong. I am happier since I moved to France. I do more than I did back in Los Angeles. I am healthier in some ways. 

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